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Our path to same-sex parenting through surrogacy grew from a simple wish to build a family of our own, grounded in love, patience and resilience. After my partner Paul and I explored every option carefully, surrogacy became the right route for us. Above all, it let us have a biological connection to our children.
Our twiblings, Margot and Tomás, were born through surrogacy in October 2022. Then our journey continued with the birth of our son, Rían, in July 2024. Each step, from researching programmes to building trusting relationships with the women who carried our children, was challenging yet rewarding.
That journey inspired me to create The Surrogacy Father. By sharing my experience, I now help other intended parents find ethical, transparent options and build their families in a way that feels right for them.
For me, one of the hardest parts is wanting to do a good job and managing that ever-present “dad guilt”. In particular, I’m always balancing the intensity of fatherhood with a constant wish to be present for every moment that matters.
The best part is the small, powerful moments. When Margot, Tomás and Rían run to me with beaming smiles, calling out “Dadda!” and throwing their arms around me, it’s pure joy. Those cuddles, the bedtime stories and watching them learn something new are indescribable.
Thankfully, we haven’t faced discrimination directly as a family. Even so, I’m always aware that our children have same-sex parents, and some people may not fully accept that in the future. However, I’m incredibly proud of our family’s story, and I’m raising our children to feel the same.
As their dad, my role is to help them see the beauty in their story. I want them to grow up confident and proud of having two dads, knowing that surrogates lovingly carried them. It’s also important that they feel connected to their roots: they’re half Colombian, they speak Spanish, and that heritage is a cherished part of who they are.
Where we eventually settle is something I think about a lot. Naturally, we look for inclusive communities and schools that welcome different family structures. We’re also careful about travel, choosing places in Europe and the Americas where our family will be respected. Unfortunately, there are still countries we avoid for our children’s safety and our own.
Ultimately, we want to raise children who feel proud of their family and comfortable being themselves, wherever they are.
I’d be lying if I said the path was always easy or free of doubt. Taking that first step was life-changing, so we knew it had to be for the right reasons. Most importantly, we needed to be sure our relationship could handle what lay ahead: twiblings and, later, a third child.
Having three children under the age of two has been a juggle, to say the least. Some days have tested our patience, our energy and even our confidence. Still, those moments are nothing compared with the privilege of watching our three children grow. I never take for granted how lucky we are, and I wouldn’t change a thing.
Yes, we worked with an agency based in Bogotá, and they went above and beyond to make our journey as smooth as possible. Of course, no journey is perfect, and we gave some friendly feedback along the way. Overall, though, they were supportive, experienced and genuinely caring. We started as clients and became friends. When all three births needed emergency C-sections, they were there for us every step of the way.
However, I know not every journey goes so smoothly. At the start, you face a flood of information, misinformation and some agents pushing their “products” in ways that ignore how emotional surrogacy is. That didn’t sit well with me. Having seen both sides, I founded The Surrogacy Father to give intended parents honest, independent guidance. It’s truly an honour to share what my family and I learned first-hand.
Be brave, be bold and be patient. Surrogacy isn’t an easy path, but the rewards are life-changing. Above all, work with people who share your goals and are fully committed to helping you. Remember, too, that fertility is a biological process, so setbacks and delays are part of reality. If you hold on to hope and lean on friends and family, you’ll find the strength to keep going.
