START YOUR JOURNEY
The first time I walked into a fertility conference as an intended parent, I nearly walked straight back out.
So many people. So many faces. Banners, lanyards, and leaflets pressed into my hands before I’d even found the coffee.
And honestly? It felt like every service provider in the room wanted a bit of me.
I was nervous. I didn’t know who to talk to first, what to ask, or how to tell a helpful conversation from a sales pitch.
But here’s what surprised me. Once the nerves settled, I realised the room was full of hope. Full of kindness. Full of people who are genuinely in this field because they want to help families like ours come into the world.
That feeling has never changed. Today, as the founder of The Surrogacy Father, I’m often on the other side of the stand. So here’s what I wish someone had told me before my first surrogacy conference.
A conference can feel like a day out. Treat it a little more like a mission.
Before you book the train or flight, sit down for ten minutes (with your partner, if you have one) and be honest about where you are.
Are you just starting out and trying to get your head around how it all works? Or are you further along, comparing options and close to making decisions?
There’s no wrong answer. But your answer shapes your whole day.
Exhibitors usually fall into a few groups:
What matters most to you right now? Pick your top two or three. Circle them on the floor plan. Everything else is a bonus.
Not a rigid timetable. Just a short list: who you want to see, which talks you want to hear, and three or four questions you want answered.
It sounds simple. But it’s the one thing that stops you drifting from stand to stand and leaving with a bag of brochures and no clearer idea.
Not sure what to ask yet? That’s exactly why I wrote The 12 Part Essential Surrogacy Guide. It walks you through the whole journey, step by step, so you arrive knowing what you don’t know.
You’ll hear a lot. Different countries, different surrogacy laws, different price tags, different opinions.
At some point your head will feel full. That’s normal. You don’t need to understand everything by the end of the day. You just need to leave knowing more than when you arrived.
Go in with an open mind and a healthy dose of curiosity.
Ask the follow-up question. Ask what it means for you as two dads. Ask what happens if something goes wrong. Ask what isn’t included in the price.
Good providers welcome these questions. If someone gets cagey, that tells you something too.
Remember that feeling I had, that everyone wanted a bit of me? You’re allowed to protect your energy.
You don’t need to sign anything, pay a deposit or commit on the day. A good provider will still be there next week. “I’m just gathering information today” is a perfectly good answer.
That last part matters. Gut feelings count. Ten seconds of notes now saves hours of “wait, which agency was that?” later.
The conference ends. The real work starts.
While it’s still fresh, go through everything. Group your contacts: clinics, agencies, insurance, legal. Let go of anything that clearly isn’t a fit.
Not everyone. Just the two or three conversations that felt right. Send a short email reminding them who you are, and ask your next question.
Make a list of the gaps. Maybe you now understand the costs but not the legal side. Maybe you’ve fallen for a destination but don’t know how legal parenthood works once you bring your baby home to Ireland, Germany or the Netherlands.
Those gaps aren’t a sign you’ve failed. They’re simply your next step in understanding the surrogacy process.
This journey is emotional. A day of hopeful conversations can leave you buzzing, overwhelmed, or both. Talk it through together. Rest. Then decide what comes next.
If you spot The Surrogacy Father at a conference, please come over and say hello.
No pitch. No pressure. Just a chat with a dad who’s been exactly where you are: three children through surrogacy and egg donation, and plenty of nervous conference days behind me.
Bring your questions. Even the ones you think are silly. Especially those.
The best conference day starts before you walk through the door.
The 12 Part Essential Surrogacy Guide gives you the foundations, so you can spend your day asking sharper questions, having better conversations, and spotting the right people for you.
That’s why I created The Surrogacy Father. Honest. Independent. Support. Founded by someone who’s done this, not someone selling a package.